p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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