Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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