this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
