so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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