I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Everything about him screamed your future.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
