First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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