so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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