The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I need water and some morals
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
