1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
