I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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