Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
