it wasn't lemon gatorade
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
