You work out of a Hotel?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
