I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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