if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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