i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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