Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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