his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
