im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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