I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
