My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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