Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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