I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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