feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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