I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
