Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It's just like the Real World with babies
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
