I think my vagina is haunted
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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