Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
