Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
