So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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