In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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