what day is it and did you see me today?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
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