I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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