i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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