also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
