To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She's the barista slut.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
