i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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