He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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