apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
