The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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