Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
