and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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