weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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