i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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