Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
