I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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