You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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