I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
