Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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