I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
