Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
