She announced her abortion via fbk
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
