My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
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he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
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Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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