If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My dick has a subreddit
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
