i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
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