bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
