I feel like abortions should bother me more
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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