The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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