i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
