just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
