So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
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We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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