I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
did i just pee glitter
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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