I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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