I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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