OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
