hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
