just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
