wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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