The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
