Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
