no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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